The Comfort of People by Daniel Miller

Author:Daniel Miller [Miller, Daniel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781509524358
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2017-10-27T00:00:00+00:00

Emma’s account illustrates the meaning of this term ‘polymedia’. Today we have access to several alternative media, and our choice of which media we decide to use for any particular act of communication has become thereby quite expressive of, among other things, emotional control, asymmetries of power and moral judgements. For example, Emma suggests that men just don’t seem to be able to sustain conversations on the phone in the way that women can. Most men make everything short and functional, texts included. So why then does Emma text when she can phone? ‘Silly, isn’t it? That’s what we do now. Don’t just go and knock at the door. Don’t want to invade their free time. People are busy nowadays, less free time. I’d prefer someone to text me. I’d say I’m out. Which I often am.’ She recognizes that most people prefer a medium where each side has control over the timing and the content as compared to the intrusive nature of a phone call. Once it was the net curtain to check if the neighbour was in. Then the consensus was that one should phone first, and not just knock on the door. Now people can text to find out if this is a convenient time to phone, and then phone to find out if this a convenient time to call around. ‘It’s very non-intrusive, isn’t it? People can ask you how you are and you can quite quickly say “rubbish” or “well” or whatever.’ Polymedia become the refinement of social consideration. It’s the same with her family:

If they are working, then I’ll try and work out a time that’s a good time. Always say, ‘Is it a good time to phone?’ If they say no, fair enough. People don’t say that to me and sometimes I’m wishing they would.

I got diagnosed with cancer last July. I started treatment, really, September. You’ve got to be well to speak on the phone, don’t you? People sent texts when I wasn’t well, then text me saying can I come see you when you get better. And I just say no, I’m not up to visitors, sorry. Then they carry on texting me for a bit longer. Because I say to people don’t just turn up. Or even phone me. I’ll let you know. Sometimes I couldn’t phone my mum even. Taught my mum to do texting. I just say I’m OK, but not up to a chat. I used texting as a sort of barrier in a way, a way of letting people know how you were, particularly my mum, but other friends too. But setting up things for when you feel better. I think what’s important to me is what the messages said. If I got a text saying ‘Heard your news, really sorry’, then I wouldn’t think much of that, but a lot of the texts didn’t say that; they said, ‘I’m so sorry, thinking of you. Please let me know if I can help.’ It’s like having your obituary written before you are dead.

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